Beauty Finds Me....

beautiful Jesus

2012-01-08T11:45:00.001-08:00

If only we could be a bit more like Him, the world would be transformed. When I look at the Cross of Christ, what I see up there is all my s--- and everybody else's. So I ask myself a question a lot of people have asked: Who is this man? And was He who He said He was, or was He just a religious nut? And there it is, and that's the question. And no one can talk you into it or out of it. *Bono*

whole article:::

http://www.thepoachedegg.net/the-poached-egg/2010/09/bono-interview-grace-over-karma.html

2012-01-07T21:37:00.000-08:00

it's all about perspective:::

my car wasn't working a few weeks ago, then i went on vacation, then i came home and one of my good friends
totally fixed it! within an hour.

so it's been running great for like a week and half and then it totally stopped working again. i didn't know what to do, then i texted my friend & told him what was up and he was like: oh, okay. i'll be there in a second.
i texted my other friend to tell her i couldn't come over anymore, b/c i was stuck at chipotle..and then she said oh, i'll be there in a second.

i was getting all flustered and semi-stressed (like i tend to do, little bit dramatic over here...workin' on it)...so they both showed up in like ten minutes from me talking w/ them and my friend tried to fix my car. it didn't end up working out but by the end of the hour of trying different ways to fix it we were all cracking jokes and laughing.

i was reflecting on this at work the other day and realized how blessed i am.
i have friends in my life who just drop whatever they're doing to come help me. not for any specific reason really, just because they care. God shows me He loves me through so many different things, and in those instances it was through my amazing friends.
I can't believe how lucky i got, and i how blessed i am to be surrounded by such beautiful people on a day to day basis. and even when those beautiful people live in so many different places, like California, Canada, Arizona, Mexico, whatever....we're still able to keep in touch through phone conversations or the magic of Skype!

I got to spend Christmas in the desert with one of my favorite people in the world (and also, i am pretty sure the only one who reads my blog?) reminisce on our beautiful family, spend my new years with my best friend, and so far just soak in the beauty that is Colorado winter.

today i woke up then went to run errands with my best friend and just have fun. when we came home it was just beginning to snow.
snow is one of my favorite things.
i also got to drink my favorite chai today.
i went to a one year old's birthday (my godson Levi Breaker)....also, when did i become the girl who got excited about a one year old's birthday party? who knows, probably when the kids started getting so darn cute! oh man, he's a looker for sure. he's such a joy and such a little love!

i love that i see my friends having families. i love that i've known someone for so long, saw him fall in love, saw him get married, and today i saw him celebrate his son's birthday! life is so magical. it's such a beautiful gift.

friendship.
wintertime.
laughter.
peace.
joy.
everything is such a gift and i like opening it up each day. i like starting and seeing and trusting and knowing the goodness of God.

i like that God cares and that God provides (even in the craziest situations) i like being friends with God.

what do you like about life right now?

comment below!

please remember:
you are beautiful and you are loved.

2012-01-01T08:32:00.000-08:00

new years eve was perfect.

i made my first chicken dish EVER! and it was delicious. she made biscuits and we watched a movie and chilled.

i fell asleep at 11:15..and then woke up this morning at 8:30.

i'm excited about this fresh new year.

have a great new years day everyone.
you are loved.

2011-12-13T20:51:00.000-08:00

At times in life i choose to let fear in and just surrender to it. to live in my old self instead of who i truly am in Christ. Who He's originally designed me to be, to be my whole self...all the time.

He's telling me that it is okay to dream...and to dream big.
He's told me this in the past, but i didn't understand what He meant, until recently...when i realized that it is actually safe to dream with God.
There's no safer place than the place i've found with God. This place of being close to one another, the fact that He's always there to talk to and i can give my whole heart to him. He's so good to us, because He pursued us all first.

1 John 4.19
we love because He first loved us.

random side-note ((when i did the school of biblical studies in Kona, i had to read the bible in it's entirety...so when i looked up this verse online i thought: i want to know the whole context of the verse.))

*Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God & knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, god lives in us and his love is made complete in us. We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "i love God" yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot glove God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command; whoever loves God must also love His brother.
1 John 4.7-21

lots of words up there.
I really love that God's love drives out all fear. He's shown me His perfect love in all circumstances i've faced in life...and the sometimes the best thing is when He doesn't say anything to me...in moments where i have a trillion questions and a huge ache in my heart for things i can't have anymore....He's just there for me. And i'm able to just talk to him and i feel loved.

OH.
the point of my blog!
i just got super side tracked. lo siento amigos!

anyway...a long time ago i saw a small hot air balloon hanging above my friends desk and i LOVED it.
our friend made it for her, so i asked him if he might make me one too...and he said okay.
(i said this a long time ago, or at least to me it was? i dunno, i'm bad with time). anyway...he told me my
birthday present would be late because he was working on it.
i went to my desk and he hung up this mobile he had made of a parachute and clouds.

the whole thing represents, to me, that dreams are beautiful and beauty is everywhere.
All in all, it made me feel special to have something so unique and one of a kind given to me from my dear friend for my
birthday.
And for God to immediately bring me back to what He's teaching me. To dream big dreams, bigger than i can even think...and that it is good for my soul to dream.

my prayer of blessing for you as you go is this:

that you feel God's love for you so deeply that it couldn't be any other thing...that you'd just KNOW in your soul that you are adored by the King of Kings and that He cares for you, even the silliest things, he cares about those because He will stop at nothing to make you feel special, to make you feel loved, to show you He cares.
and that He releases more joy than you will know what to do with this Christmas.

You are loved and You are cherished.

2011-12-07T21:47:00.001-08:00

grace and mercy
you're confronting me daily.

these past few weeks and months have whisked by like tiny gazelles.
it's december already.

four years ago i felt so alone. on an island surrounded by people who did not know me.
or that part of me, my Denver family.
my heart was torn up.

i spent almost an entire year trying to figure out some deep issues with the Lord.
once i thought i figured it out or had some clarity on it all...i received a phone call from one of my best
friends.
that two of our friends were shot.
hyperventilating...i started saying: they're gonna be okay (and continued repeating it to myself)...people around me
were praying. i called a ton of people telling them to pray (demanding it).

i do not know how i fell asleep that night.
when i awoke my friend Dave asked me if i was okay and i told him i couldn't talk, i had to call my friend.

so i called my friend Will and he told me she was gone.

and i broke.
i broke in more than just two pieces.
because after what seemed like a lifetime of questions (or at least 11 years)...i thought i had them answered.
i thought they were done for.
but now, i had so many more things to ask God.
i needed some heart surgery. because it was broken.

four years later. living in this city. working where i do.
i just feel blessed.

i miss her and do not understand.
i still have a lot of questions and a lot of desires...but i'm so grateful.
to have known someone so loving.
all the time...and so funny. and beautiful.

like i said four years ago.
she was pure sunshine.
she radiated God's love and it was beautiful.

i'm grateful///

2011-11-12T13:13:00.001-08:00

i've been feeling so mellow lately.
It's really nice.
this week i made myself go to the gym because i told the bestie that i'd visit her at work.
It was only 30 minutes, but it felt so good.
I always feel prettier leaving the gym and i like sticking to commitments.
I also got to catchup with some friends on the phone and it was so much fun to connect with my long distance friends. I loved just talking and one of the best feelings to me is that no matter where we are in the world we pick up wherever we left off...connectedness is so important to me. (even if it's not a real word). :)

anyway. i hope you're all enjoying your weekend.

my to do list for the rest of the day consists of:
finding the right nail polish color.
getting dressed.
drinking more coffee.
writing in my journal.
listening to music.
and possibly taking a nap.

happy saturday beautiful people.

the Lord is my God and i serve him whole heartedly

2011-09-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

a morning song to my Jesus:

the Lord is my God & i serve him wholeheartedly
i get to love him and be with him.

life on a day to day basis with you means:

waking up early for time alone with you, before the hussle and bussle of people constantly surrounding me, asking me questions, chatting it up with me...all that is good but, you know my heart is to be alone with you.

i woke up this morning and saw the light come through my window. the room was painted with gold and i lay there smiling, thankful for a good night's sleep. thankful that i didn't have to dream at all, no thoughts inside my mind last night i was free to just be, to just rest in your presence. in your arms. that embrace me and strengthen me and make me calm and bring me peace and make me whole again...

the summer seemed never ending with deaths and struggles and anxiety and longings unfulfilled. all the questions that rose up again asking and screaming: why?

WHY this loss of life? why the stopping of breaths. the ending of my precious grampa?
why this anxiety of health and whether or not THIS will be okay? will i be whole in YOU?
where are YOU amidst the craziness the busy-ness, the what feels like lonely-ness?

and then you spoke up, gently, sweetly like honey in my chai....the calm in my heart amidst the storm and you said:

i am beside you, i am standing with you, i am for you and not against you. all these things will happen in life: you will be disappointed, you will have struggles, you will continue to face loss in big and small ways, in ways that feel like you may not be able to make it but my DAUGHTER remember: every single time, in every single storm i AM your safe harbour i AM your light and salvation: WHOM SHALL YOU FEAR? OF WHAT SHOULD YOU BE AFRAID OF? i am WITH YOU FOR YOU ALWAYS standing beside you. ALWAYS embracing YOU. i have gone through hell and back for you, to proclaim victory over your precious beautiful LIFE/
i breathe SALVATION in your bones, i speak healing to the broken pieces of your heart that you say are jumbled and knotted more than a ball of yarn a piece of string.
and i speak to that and i say: I AM THE UNTANGLER OF ALL THINGS TANGLED! I AM THE ONE WHO WILL MAKE SENSE OF THE MESS and when it feels like nothing will make sense again, when you are filled with all the questions and all the weight of your heart, the weight of the world i say COME DRINK FROM THE CUP I HAVE FOR YOU, FOR I AM A FAITHFUL FATHER WHO ALONE BRINGS FRESH WATER. you will not find your refreshment in people, no you cannot. you will not truly find your comfort in others, IT ALONE COMES FROM ME AND THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT. i love you, i have placed people in your life to encourage you, to challenge you and to love you.
because i love you.
i always care
i always provide, i always stand up for you. when you can't stand up for yourself but i speak to you OH DAUGHTER and i tell you and remind you and make you fully believe and receive the strength i have put inside you. when you were born fighting for you life to be here and stay here i have put that strength inside to run and not grow weary.
finding life, refreshment, joy, grace, peace, in ME!

what a joy it is to know you, to be known by you fully and completely loved by you.

thank you Lord.

i receive your peace today, i embrace your joy today and i see your heart today in all i do:
in answering phones, in cleaning a house, in drinking my coffee, in eating lunch with my friends, in talking with people and in exhorting those around you.
thank you for your love Lord, for your life, and for the price you paid on the cross.

i want my life to radiate your beauty all day.

thanks for putting that desire in my heart.

love,

allison lois

2011-08-18T08:46:00.000-07:00

as everyone at my work is in the OC ministering...i am back here with about seven other people "running the show" AKA answering the phone if it rings and reading my book and listening to my ipod.
I knew that i needed this time for myself, to mull things over w/ the Lord.
I know that He is revealing things to me everyday...that i'm so blessed to have friends in my life to chat w/ about things.

Someone brought me a challenge yesterday and i'm taking it on.
to really talk to God about these emotions that seem to be overtaking...when in reality they are super real, they will not have power over my life.
i have lost someone very important to me, somedays it feels very real and other days i feel an overwhelming peace.

last night i told him i believed that he would speak to me and i said i will wait for you God.
Then he said: Psalm 27 i will write the whole thing and then highlight the ones that resonated within my heart:

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall i fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall i be afraid?
When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes,
it is they who stumble and fall.
though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet i will be confident.
One thing i have asked of the Lord, that i will seek after:
that i may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple.
For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock. And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me, and i will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy;
i will sing and make melody to the Lord.
Hear, o Lord, when i cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me.
You have said, "seek my face." my heart says to you, Your face, Lord do i seek."
Hide not your face from me. Turn not your servant away in anger, o you who have been my help.
cast me not off; forsake me not, o God of my salvation!
Teach me your way, O Lord, and lead me on a level poath because of my enemies.
Give me not up to the will of my adversaries; for false witnesses have risen against me, & they breathe out violence.
I believe that i shall look upoin the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!

the things that stuck out to me are in bold.
the last verse was the most important one to me.
My friends prayed for me a while ago and one of them said: you're stronger
than you think and God has been giving you more strength each day.
Then i was remember about an episode of greys anatomy (i know, i know. stop
judging me!) it was the one where burke was saying his vows about how he was
sure, that Christina was the one for him. and obviously they did not work out
(sorry if i ruined that one for ya) but i was glad to hear the words that He (God)
was sure about me. even when i lose faith in myself and how much i go through a lot
of the time...He was sure of me and confident in me.
and that i can be sure about Him always, because he doesn't falter.
He will remain in my life, steadfast always.

I can take everything to Him and i'll need to have reminders of this as i keep processing my life...I feel hopeful in all of this today.
I'm blessed to have waited on him last night and will continue to take heart in it, or try my best.
It's comforting to know that He will untangle my heart, because he cares for me, empathizes (sp?) with me and stays with me through everything.

here is something i found in another page in my journal last night that i wrote earlier this year...

look at Jesus where healing and truth and life comes from.

It's something someone said once and it was another thing that resonated in my heart.

thank you Lord that you can handle all these things and that you're with me, helping me understand things.

2011-08-14T22:14:00.000-07:00

life is overwhelming me to realize
i have to live the rest of it without
the one man who has always
constantly been there, through
everything
always shown love
and compassion

always a safe place for me to rest my head

i cannot handle it and i do not want it.

i wish i could escape it, but know from a
long list of past experiences w/ grief that
it will come in one way or another.

2011-06-07T10:44:00.000-07:00

new favorite song.

tuesday bloggin'

blueberry bagels
reflecting on life
listening for the phone to ring
being nice to people
friendship bracelets.
representing different countries. ones i've
never been to...
dreaming of things.
wanting bigger dreams.
making things that are amazing and fun and beautiful.
taking ownership of my feelings.
moving forward in life
drinking lots of water.
thinking. and more thinking.
processing.
prioritizing

l i v i n g
b r e a t h i n g

l o v i n g
l a u g h i n g

2011-05-19T09:08:00.000-07:00

i feel so much these days.
sad because good friends are leaving. my small group going forward after their dts...feeling so blessed to have been part of their lives. thankful for cell phones that keep people connected.
overwhelmed with change and trying to keep a good balance with everything all at once. it's so strange because life doesn't overwhelm me as much as it is right now. I am very thankful for the people that do care for me and invest in my life.
I'm learning what it means to live not on my own strength, but to fully rely on the Lord's...it's no easy/small task.
I'm grateful for people who push me forward, for people who have wisdom and speak kindly, and for my job...where i meet so many people so often and can have a positive impact in their lives. no matter how big or small, that i can be an encourgaement to those i meet and that i can challenge and be challenged to live better to a higher standard, on a daily basis.

count cho' blessings child!

2011-04-05T14:46:00.000-07:00

my siblings are so precious to me...I am so excited for both of them. I am so proud of them for their endurance and the choices they've made in life.
They are incredible people and i am so blessed to have them in my life!
My brother has worked really hard to get where he's at and he loves it! Also, He has fallen in love with his soon to be wifey! It blows my mind that we will always be kids, the three of us, but still. We grow up SO quickly...oh man, do we ever.
I am so excited that He will be getting back to the states soon! (even though it's not soon ENOUGH!) haha.
My sister just went on her first overseas trip to visit her friends in Ireland, then had the opportunity to visit my brother in Italy. She had a fun trip and didn't run into too many problems so that is nice for her & and for me to hear!
They are such hard workers, they persevere through life and "run the race w/ endurance" it's really amazing to see.
I just love the lives we lead...I am just very proud of the three of us and oh so blessed to have the beautiful siblings i have.

I hope your week is filled with joy and grace.

dads

2010-12-10T22:33:00.001-08:00

today i drove to work and then we had worship...it was cool finally connecting with
the lyrics people around me were singing...someone shared a word and we prayed for
south korea.
then for small group we got into my car and...it wouldn't start.
for whatever reason i wasn't really stressed at all, which is not like me AT ALL.
someone helped me jump it, then we drove for about twenty minutes before arriving at our
destination, goodwill, where we had fun trying on different stuff and looking for something good to wear
for our end of quarter dinner.
We had to jump the car again...so we drove for such a long time AGAIN and arrived back at work.
At the end of the day, i tried to start my car and it wouldn't start, so my good friend John came and took a look
at it. He suggested that i get my battery tested & luckily, we have a place RIGHT by our work....so i took it on over
there and the guy basically told me: you're going to need a new battery, here is the one you will need, it's a hundred bucks.
I didn't know what to do, because i do not have a hundred bucks....so i just said: well, i really can't buy that now....can you just jump the battery again so i can drive it home?
the other guy in the shop asked what if i gave you a discount? and i just looked at him and said: even at that price, i couldn't pay for it, i just don't have the money....& then we were talking and i said i worked at YWAM and he said: really? oh. then he looked at the other guy and said: let's just donate it to ywam then.

i just got a brand new battery with a two year warranty from two really generous people, just because they wanted to bless me.
i started crying in the store...God met me just where i was at and said: I'm your father, this is what i do, i will provide for you. I love you, i care about you, i will protect you and keep you safe. You are my child, i will be here with you. I will give you peace in the crazy situations of life. I will be with you, for always.

I just like that my dad loves me and cares for me always.

He is good and oh so faithful.

2010-12-09T23:55:00.000-08:00

[[for your steadfast love is before my eyes and i will walk in your faithfulness]]

that is one thing on my mind tonight.

i am thankful that as i continue walking forward, He stays in front of my face
so i don't have to worry or stress...what if You leave me?
He doesn't.
and i am thankful.

2010-12-06T21:25:00.000-08:00

making my room cleaner than it is, makes my heart happy.

& that, is all i have to say.

2010-11-16T18:36:00.000-08:00

mumford and sons is super relaxing and amazing.
i just got the CD (i know, right...how late am i?) and it's been
the best thing, while reading and writing...and i just love the guys
voice a ton. *yes, a WHOLE ton*

Having Nic over this past weekend was great...i love showing her off
to everyone around and getting to hang out and just be together, means
so much to me...

My birthday is coming up soon-ish and it doesn't feel like it at all this year...I don't know
why, but it just feels far away and unreal.

I feel like throughout this year i have learned more about His faithfulness and how steadfast
He actually is in my life. You can read the words and hear it so much that you become
desensitized to it. I never really understood and i'm still working on it, but it's nice knowing
it a little bit more.

I don't know exactly what this next year will be like, but i am so looking forward to all of it.

Fall has been the best thing to happen to me in a long while and i am so grateful for winter
to come to me. It really is the nicest season of them all.

2010-08-17T17:37:00.000-07:00

maybe i don't have the strength,
maybe i don't have the faith.
you brought me here in 40 years.
when i know this trip should take a week
i've shed my tears and shed my blood
been ransomed by the flood
and winter steals my songs away
in all of this i've come undone...

when you walk through the water
i will be with you
when you pass through the river
the waves they will not overtake you
when you walk on the fire those
flames they will not touch you.
You are Mine.

lyrics i like. *You Are Mine chair & microphone volume 3*

2010-08-08T22:22:00.001-07:00

I really admire parents who are passionate about this future that will be
shaped by these tiny thoughtful hands-the hands to bring:
justice, love, mercy, grace, peace hope, and future to those void of all good. these hands iwll bring back joy, water, laughter, shelter, bread, gratefulness, thankfulness...truth. I'm so excited
for these kids because they are so full of life, so full of beauty, so full. of your goodness.

& thank you for what you're already doing in life and in the world.

thank you Lord.

2010-07-25T01:45:00.001-07:00

today i woke up at 1
i had breakfast.
i remembered about the blueberries i purchased last
sunday and transfered them from the refrigerator to the freezer.

i got to hang out with Amy.
then hang out with my housemates. at the sketchiest little
amusement park i have ever gone to in my life.
i went on a rollercoaster and i didn't die.
not even a little bit!

i love saturdays and i love weekends and i love
my life.

i just feel super blessed to have the family i do
and to live in the house that i do...and i feel
loved.

majority of the time in my life, i feel loved.

it is such a great thing; grace.

2010-07-21T10:21:00.000-07:00

this week is a lot different than my normal schedule of hospitality, kitchen, housekeeping...this week i am up at eagle rock watching three small-ish children.
reegan, keeana, and jereson.
amaaaazing kids.
its pretty sweet watching kids.
i even changed a poopy diaper succesfully! i was pretty stoked about it.

sometimes i feel like i limit myself, with what i can and cannot do. And lately i realize that if i want to do something, then i have to attempt to do it...
anyway, its been fun hanging out with the kids.
tomorrow is my last day up here and i get to chill with them all morning while my friends Jeremy & Keeley (the parents of the kiddos) teach.

Also, a huge blessing for me this week was getting to talk to my brother online while he is in Afghanistan.
go army, go.
<3

anyway, have a great week everyone!
remember, you are l o v e d

2010-07-11T22:55:00.001-07:00

take my life and make it Yours.

2010-06-29T00:01:00.001-07:00

when everything is falling apart
you will be safe in His arms.

*phil wickham* safe.

i like when music is exactly what i needed to hear.
don't you?

Work for the next two weeks....

2010-06-22T08:35:00.000-07:00

i am really looking forward to these next two weeks at work...in the fall quarter i ran the hospitality department at our mountain campus...but didn't really enjoy it very much. It was just overwhelming having everything changed for me.
Coming back home after visiting my family for three weeks *SUCH a blessing for me* i am definitely ready to start working again!
These next two weeks i am running the department by myself and have found that my new best friend is the list i carry with me everywhere so as not to forget anything and i LOVE crossing things off the list! Even sunday at church was a blessing...we only had two kids 7&9 brother & sister and they were super cute...It just makes me happy to be busy again.
Last night we watched the bachelorette at my house...i still hate it, because it is ridiculous, but it was fun to hang out w/ the housemates.

Here is my latest fav for the week....

2010-06-09T08:29:00.001-07:00

my baby sister is graduating high school today!!
i am so thankful to be able to be here w/ my family during this
time!

i love them so much! they are beautiful people.

2010-05-22T11:44:00.000-07:00

cleaning the room
doing laundry
getting coffee
reading a book
oh, and right me up by state radio
memories. lovelove.

sounds like a perfect saturday to me.

hugs & love,
Alli bird.

beauty in the status updates

2010-05-18T08:30:00.000-07:00

this morning i got to go to coffee with a beautiful
friend: miss Alyssa, we got to share about our lives and it
was nice...she's truly a beautiful lady.

now i am looking at facebook and friends status updates to
see how their days are going and if anyone has posted anything
funny...
but its two status updates in a row that have caught my attention

I am blessed because i am loved by You
&&
only You can restore my soul

these things are kind of amazing reminders for my current life situation.

I'm glad that He is so faithful in every circumstance of my life and
every battle in my heart..He is here to figure it out with me. Hear
my screams and cries...Heal my heart... restore it back to the fullest..
bring me true joy and show me HOW to live. Through this.
Through all of It.

thanks Jesus, for your love for me & my family.
I love you back.

For Your steadfast love is before my eyes, and i walk in your
faithfulness. Psalm 26.3
The title of this psalm in my bible is I will Bless the Lord.

I want to do that with my life, because He is worthy.

have a good tuesday kids.

Xo,
Alli bird.

2010-05-15T22:44:00.000-07:00

"i don't know which way i'm going. i don't know what i've become..." *coldplay*

fragile.
unable to fix the pieces.
unable to get the years back.
the effort i placed into a relationship
that will soon be evaporated into nothingness...
a decision that will affect three valuable lives.

selfish
the hurt that breeds inside the hearts
of people. the unavoidable things we think
and then the actions that we end up doing.
not thinking of anyone else, letting our own
selves come before others.

broken.
the inconsistency that is, at times, how life goes.
the world.
peoples hearts.
God's heart...when our hearts hurt.
families
lives.
dreams.

restoration:
cities, walls, bones, pavement,
doors, hearts...

i know who my Father is, and i know He
is not abandoning.

2010-05-13T09:03:00.000-07:00

i just wish i could keep something, but
it seems everyone has run away again.

i hate seeing others weaknesses...i hate
judging people. but it is natural and in
this circumstance, i'm going to.

today i feel::
loss, anger, rejection,
unbelief, abandonment,
disappointment, jaded.

it feels like:
i have done this too
many times to count
& i wish it could all
just end...that these
lame surprises would stop
surprising me, that my hope
could be restored in mankind..
that promises mean something

can they PLEASE mean something to you?

i just want to keep something.
please?

oh yes.

2010-05-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

it is snowing this beautiful morning...well, it was last night.
tomorrow afternoon all the single ladies leave for our three day retreat up at
our mountain campus...it will most likely be snowing there.
this morning i am wearing my purple long sleeve shirt (which i love, but do not wear often, because i hate long sleeves...this color purple is one of my fav's.) my favorite hoodie *you know, the one with the hole in the elbow but i will not cannot give it up.* (i should just patch it or something but...i haven't.) my uggs, the pair of jeans my housemate Leena gave to me..so comfy and baggy. And my uggs. so toasty and warm this morning.
I have been curling my hair the past week or so and today i decided to straighten it and i like it.
i am debating getting my bangs again, because i really like them...but i have just grown them out, so i have to keep them a while longer.

Here is a letter from Colorado to the rest of the world.

What? What's that you say? Its May 12? It's sunny where you are?
There is not supposed to be white stuff on the ground???
Ohhhh, well i decided last night to snow on you all.
I hope you enjoy it. Maybe next week it will be 70 again.
kises and hugs,
Colorado.

so relaxing

2010-05-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

2010-05-11T08:45:00.000-07:00

this morning is cold.
this morning is beautiful
this morning i had enough time to make an iced
coffee.
i am wearing flip flops, because yesterday it was
sunny and warm...
it is going to rain today.
and i love it, everyday i love this city more and more.

its supposed to snow tomorrow.
then wednesday the single girls get to go on a retreat.
and that is going to be fun.

i just love my job so much. it is such a blessing.
i love the people i work with.

the only thing i don't love is that those closest to me
live miles away.

i wish my blogs had more direction, but its okay that they
don't.
i guess...

happy tuesday kids.

loves::::

2010-05-03T20:18:00.000-07:00

my dreams, as silly as some may see them, i love them.
my best friend Ana...we haven't seen in each other in four years and have done
crazy crazy things since then...moved to hawaii, moved to mozambique africa....moved to denver. moved to CT. done school, started staffing at ywam. kept in touch the whole stinkin' time. been there to encourage one another and call each other. give each other wake up calls with who we are.
seriously though, Ana Elisabeth Zeller is such a beautiful gift to me.
in december 2007 she got in a super bad accident and broke her back in a few places. This lady is a very gifted snowboarder. *and took me out the first time. i failed horribly. oh dang...* got a phone call from her mom that Ani had gotten hurt...
but God has fully healed her!
she got to go riding the winter after the accident.... God's miracles are so real. even with all the craziness that happens...
oh dang. she is a woman full of joy...and i love being around her.
*my room* i LOVE my room.
i love my house too, but specifically my room. it is super small and my bed takes up the space, but i LOVE it...so much. I just reorganized it and threw a bunch of junk away this past weekend and it feels so good to have less clutter. It is where i unwind, write it all out, talk it all out, and rock out. Music is always coming out of my laptop speakers...cell phone...everything. I love music..
MY FAMILY!
i am so passionate about these people....they are beautiful people. My brother Zach just graduated basic training with the Army. My sister Alexis just went to her senior prom! and rocked a VERY cute dress that not many could pull off...honestly, her style is amazing. Both of their birthdays are this month and i want to celebrate with them, but i'm here for now....their lives are so precious to me and i value them SO so much. Its kind of crazy how much i talk about them with my friends and family here...
my house family consists of three beautiful ladies:: CayeDee, Colleen, and Lori. Seriously, SUCH a blessing...i had a difficult time when i first moved out to Denver in the summer of '08...and i prayed that i would get to live with people who encouraged me, lifted me up, and loved Jesus with their whole hearts. and BAM! i got some hot women in my life!!
God has seriously blessed me h-core to the max with incredible human beings surrounding me daily!
i am very thankful for these life long friendships He's given me on the way.

I like that there are so many different people that are part of my family & that God has given me so many incredible friends...

i am thankful, yes indeed.

2010-04-28T08:58:00.000-07:00

choosing to change my perspective today.

2010-04-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

too much.

Foy Vance - Be with Me

2010-04-22T11:35:00.000-07:00

emotional.

2010-04-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

i was watching the blindside last night with my amazing housemates and i almost lost it three times.
as you know, or maybe you don't...i do not cry in movies very often at all, but seriously....i am very emotional
these days. it's weird, but i guess that is just how i am this week.

right now i'm listening to William Fitzsimmons...who you should probably check out if you haven't already heard
of him. i first heard him on a friends myspace page *back when i had myspace...oh jeez* and he's one of my favorite night
time music to listen to. you should buy the until we are ghosts album, because its my personal favorite...but that's just if you want to. i am still not good at links, but someday...i will be a link poster for sure.
His voice is just so relaxing and his lyrics are really goooood. i just like stories in music.
One of his songs is called please don't go. and you would think *or at least i would...* that it would be about a break up
but its not, its about something bad that happened in his childhood and being able to express that in song. SO powerful to me.

sometimes i wish i could do that, but only sometimes...

anyway.
if anyone wants to throw a prayer up for my silly little heart, please feel free...its been a weird week and i think next week will probably be weird too. that's just how this month goes usually.

lovelove.

a video of his music!
:::

2010-04-18T11:37:00.000-07:00

today i like:
early morning coffee w/ the dinosaur.
seeing chace smile!
getting to talk w/ petra & plan for this weekend.
truly enjoying where i'm at with life...
talking about my job.
trusting in His goodness.
texting emma about plans for today.
thinking about Julie & how much effort she's put into her album!
getting pumped about her show on saturday! so close!!
listening to the beatles.
singing loudly in the car.
letting my hair be messy.
smelling good.
my sparkly toe nails!
thinking about how funny it was dancing w/ kris at the wedding

that's all for now.

2010-04-15T11:40:00.000-07:00

new favorite song:::

you & i by ingrid michaelson

go listen!
xoxoo

finding it.

2010-04-12T17:56:00.000-07:00

i'm trying to find it, find my peace.
i'm on the lookout. i'm taking deep breath's...
i'm trying to obey.

i'm trying to laugh more, to enjoy everything surrounding
me. sometimes it is not easy.
i want to learn from each situation and see the positive. to
see your hands guiding my steps.
i want everyday to count.
i want to trust, but i would rather just see results...from all of it.

isn't that selfish?

list.

--i love my siblings. so much, they are such beautiful people. they are so determined in this life, to succeed...very dedicated people. I like that Alexis is such a great teacher & actress...and that she is so gorgeous. I like that Zachary took a while to figure out exactly what he wanted to do, but now that he is doing it...he's all in. I really admire that about my siblings. there are more things, but that's all for this post.
--i liked today. it was so beautiful, even if i did arrive to work 30 minutes early, i got to catch up with a friend...and eat my breakfast. i like that i had time to make CayeD coffee & write her a love note. I liked that on the walk home, a lady stopped her car so that i could cross safely and she was very nice about it. [[yesterday we walked across the street and almost got run over by a bro. does anyone remember bro's? i thought i left all of those guys behind me in CA...bummer]] i like that i got everything accomplished on the list of things to do at work today, it was nice. that is one of the best feelings to me, accomplishing tasks. <3 it.
--texting Jules this morning made me happy, because she brings joy to my heart.

goal.

*staying organized this week. that is my goal. i want to keep everything upstairs clean this week and not let it go to shambles, like my normal routine...yikes*

time to clean.

2010-04-06T12:27:00.000-07:00

i really want my life to be God centered...sometimes i lose sight of it in the jumble of things in life.
i love life so much though, its such a blessing working here. My job is so fun & sometimes i forget about how fun life can be if i make it fun...i really enjoy working w/ my friend Hannah and having alone time cleaning in the housekeeping department just listening to music, chilling, and listening to good jams...
check out the new flobots! so good.
my latest favorite is Emme Packer. I usually don't like women vocals, but she is GOOD. Emme Packer! click-ity click there <
I sometimes think God speaks to me most through music and luckily, i surround myself with it.
I enjoy all kinds...because i learn from it, in weird ways i guess. I really like her lyrics. my favorite songs are "if i had a kite" and "man that saves" from the album earlier. I just like the way she did if i had a kite with the build up and stuff.....and for man that saves, i like how true it is. God just loves us so much. i guess i forget about the love when unfortunate things happen to me. I get so angry and i usually direct it at Him, but He didn't do it, He's the one who comforts...*& all the past hate pain and blame, it could just be swept away, cause that's the kind of man that saves.*
sometimes i just need to be reminded of the love that covers all my sin and craziness. I guess its easy to lose my balance when i forget who holds my world.

Getting to work here is fun and interesting because i'm not always sure how i will pay my rent *or at least that is the story this year* but i am not stressed about it anymore. At first i was very scared and overwhelmed, but then i got this huge peace about it. I love that He gives peace that passes all understanding. its exciting to me.

Have a nice day everyone.

2010-04-01T18:08:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday To My Mom!!

this is a woman who has supported me throughout every endeavor in my life...
who has held me through the toughest battles & let me loose when i needed
to stand on my own two feet...even if i didn't necessarily want to.

she has loved me with all she has, encouraged me daily, & helped me grow.
She pointed out the good things in myself when i was unable to see the positives,
she was there to help...
i just love her so much. I am very thankful for her life.

A Saturday Alone

2010-03-29T12:42:00.000-07:00

lately there have been many thoughts rolling around in my brain and it is pretty overwhelming, because i don't have time to write them all down...which is important for my balancing life plan. when i lose my balance i usually have a panic attack, which unfortunately happened on thursday night.
it was so strange. it was probably a five minute or less panic attack, but i had to go to my room and listen to chill music to calm me down.
so i decided that i wanted to spend saturday alone.
i went to the library to look for a book and did not find the book i wanted (which happens EVERYTIME i go...so i don't go often because then i get annoyed). *what is the point of a library if they do not house the book i want in that moment anyway?* k. i'm finished.
i ended up borrowing the book from my nice friend Chele, so i stopped by her house & chatted a bit then went to a coffee shop and read for 3-ish hours...i finished the book.
it's a really nice one by Don Miller. the thousand miles in a million years...but i really enjoyed saturday because i was alone and relaxed. I want to try and spend time alone more often, because i think i'm learning more about myself during those moments when i have time to process it.
& i think i want to take more naps, because those are nice to take.
i also want to try and do the things i think about doing all the time. like mailing letters and writing more and everything good.

have a happy week everyone.
know you are loved.

2010-03-24T22:46:00.000-07:00

2010-03-20T23:33:00.000-07:00

you have changed me.

you have made me a better person, you make me
think more...of what i say, what i want to say.
who i want to be.
and then, when i'm frustrated...you help me understand.
a little bit more.
you have loved me.

you have loved me right, while i have not all the time.
you have given me more than i needed and gave me things
i wanted.
and somedays i lose thought of that. i stop tracking the good
things and see the challenging things in my way.

i like you for making me think more, for putting people in my
life to snap me out of my attitude, or whatever it is that can overtake
me at times. i like you for giving me reminders of what i forget so easily.

i like you for being so beautiful and for giving me beautiful things to see when
i wake up.
that you put it in me, to love life and to see things more positively.
i like that you don't expect me to be happy go lucky all the time, but that you
understand me and see my heart.

i like that you like me...

i like that, a lot.

2010-03-14T23:31:00.000-07:00

so far this year, God has highlighted the words steadfast and goodness.

to trust in these things and to come to a better understanding of each of
them.

i guess, i am looking forward to seeing how this plays out in my life.
& i really like that He cares about exactly where i am at.
also, if you have time in your day...i suggest listening to the song

How deep the father's love for us.

it's pretty sweet...

have a nice week.

2010-03-11T23:00:00.000-08:00

i am cool under pressure
i am cool under pressure
i am serene under pressure
i am good under pressure
i am fine under pressure
i am pristine under pressure

i am the queen of chill actually. if you were
to ask. that is the honest answer. because
i am amazing.

i am professional at keeping my cool.
oh yes, indeed. ask anyone, its true.

under every single circumstance that is
brought to my attention
that is coming into my world, i am the chillest
lady around.....

......

2010-03-04T08:55:00.000-08:00

oh dang. my life...i just want to praise God in this blog a roo because i have been real freaked out about what to do in regards to my finances this upcoming year while staffing at YWAM Denver. (and if you wanna give to me, please email me...just sayin')
anyway...
so i have not wanted to sign my one year lease yet because i do not want to commit to something i don't have the money for...even though people call that faith & i believe that too, its just that i really want to be committed. ya know?
soooo, onto my favorite part of this blog.
I called my mom to say goodmorning while finishing getting ready for the day, its just something we do...and i got her voicemail. She called me right back and was like: sooo me & Mike were talking and because he is applying for a job @ cal poly (oh man, i'm praying he gets it, he works so hard & really enjoys SLO, so that'd be siiiick)...we can't come to visit you because that is when the interview process is & he will most likely be getting called back/we are going to give the money we were going to spend on the trip to you for your rent this year.
!!!!!!
WHAT?! no freaking way man!

so anyway: i was kind of freaking out at work yesterday during worship and just praising God for it. Its just nuts. Even though i still need more money for the rest of my rent and everything, i'm just so excited that God has provided this for me.

"God does not want to be your boss, he IS your father." -don miller-

I guess throughout these past few months and really looking back, He is my father. All i've wanted He has given me, okay...not necessarily wanted, but with the things i've needed He has provided. I just love Him a lot.

last night i got the priveledge of hanging out with my favorite Granger Grange. We went to chill in this mountain town that i'd never been to before and its a nice little 45 minute drive both ways. And both ways we got to have good conversation, just talking about everything under the sun(okay moon...) & it was so refreshing. I love the friendships i've made here, where it really is my family. Even though my family is in CA, i don't have a real connection to CA anymore, because i've fallen slowly in love with Denver. I think i may be here a while, even if i am not on staff in 2011...not that i need to know that right now, shoot i JUST arrived in 2010 & i feel so much peace about it.
God reminds me of His love for me through the mountains i get to see in the morning, covered in snow (oh yes, winter...iloveyou), in the crazy gorgeous purple-ish pink-ish sunsets, and the brisk cold air at night.

Anyway, i just wanted to share with everyone about God's love. And i know He has the same love for each of us, which baffles me sometimes...but its so nice. So anyway. wherever you're at in life, i challenge you to talk to God *as weird as it can be* do it.
its interesting what He speaks back.

He is a gentle & loyal friend, He is a provider, and He is love.

YES!

2010-02-25T15:40:00.000-08:00

So huge thank you to God today.
Even though i went to bed stressed, i woke up and decided to call the dealership.
and its SEVEN dollars to get a new key made!
Me & Dakota are going once she gets home from work and then we are going to watch figure skating.

Not only that but i have been reading today and listening to chill music and i am so relaxed.

and that, is the Holy Spirit.

: ) happy thursday.

uh huh.

2010-02-24T22:01:00.000-08:00

my car key broke in my trunk and my spare doesn't start my car.
not to mention my car......is broken-ish. it is just the battery and it is not that big of a deal. really.

trying to keep my perspective in the right place.
i could feel like...
i mess everything up.

but in reality:

my car key broke. it can be replaced. and i was planning on fixing my car anyway. the fact that something
is wrong with the battery, is just something that happened and now there needs to be a solution.

sometimes i wanna get all emotional about life, but then...i don't. and i guess that means i am growing up.
its not to say that i am always level headed and always chill...because majority of time i am not.
just ask anyone in my house. ...its cool growing up and its weird at the same time.

a neat thing that happened tonight was that my friend Tedi put a verse as her status on facebook.

So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! 36 Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised. Hebrews 10:35-36

That verse is pretty intense because for this next season in my life i am honestly scared.
i am scared about finances. i am scared about other things too, but mainly finances and making the correct steps in obedience to God...to be doing what i need to in order to have finances or whatever.

i only have a few more days of vacation left until i go back to work on monday. ...so i have to be wise with how i spend that time...this blog is so boring, because i am sorting things out in my mind right now.

okay here are things that i am thankful for: ::
--sleeping in.
chilling ALL day.
doing my hair & makeup today
going grocery shopping with Dakota
seeing some girls i haven't seen in a while and getting to catch up.
getting to chat w/ my family members.
having my family so close and so willing to help out when i need it.
my housemates <3
the really good smelling candle in my room.
my read everyday bible.
memories
the camera on my phone,
the video messaging that you can do through cell phones.
getting to talk with my sister via video messaging...HILARIOUS sister...
my new nail polish that i still haven't used but am going to use tomorrow.
and my cell phone, because without it...i wouldn't be able to call the dealership tomorrow
morning & figure out how to solve the issue in front of me.
the Holy Spirit for keeping me calm
the cupcakes in my kitchen
my waterbottle for being glittery
and my stepdad for being the funniest text message-er sometimes.

k.
going to write more.....tomorrow possibly.

a new city

2010-01-25T11:16:00.000-08:00

God is crazy and i love him so much.
whenever i´m feeling discouraged or anything, God sends me an email through one of my friends.
when we got into this city the first thing i was thankful for was...drop in climate! this weather to me, is perfect. Well, winter and fall are perfect, but this is a very nice spring.
We had a debrief meeting with all the students and it was just fun for me to chill and talk with some of the girls and find out where they´re at.
we are all separated in three different apartments, but very close together. ours is across the street from the two other apartments. one is our meeting place, where we eat lunch and dinner together as a team (and all the boys and three of the girls live) and the other is where five girls live. I´m living with four other girls and they are pretty sweet people.

Currently we all have a weird sickness. mainly, its stomach aches but other people have fevers, so instead of doing park ministry today we are all just trying to relax and take it easy so that God can use us mightily sp? this week!
The second night here we realized as a house that we need to encourage one another more frequently and it was sweet because when i was reading my bible i got really stoked about the youth in this ctiy. Pereira sp? The youth are pretty much seeking after all of it...but really wanting God. So i was just reading psalms and the main thing that was revealed to me was hoping in God´s steadfast love.
This verse is amazing though::

Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name;
worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness.
The voice of the Lord is over the waters; The
God of glory thunders, the Lord, over many waters.
The voice of the Lord is powerful; the voice of the
Lord is full of majesty.

The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars; the Lord
breaks the cedars of lebanon, He makes Lebanon to skip
like a calf, and Sinon like a young wild ox.

The voice of the Lord flashes forth flames of fire;
the voice of the Lord shakes the wilderness; the Lord
shakes the wilderness of Kadesh

The Lord sits enthroned over the flood; the Lord
sits enthroned as king forever. May the Lord give strength
to his people. May the Lord bless his people with peace.

::Psalm 29.2-8 & 10-11::

this city has a lot of problems with drugs and gang violence
and my heart is that the youth wake up from the haze that surrounds
their hearts and envelopes them in hatred and self loathing.
i want to see them find real joy and peace in the Lord and not in
all the drugs and everything else going on.

As a team, we are just praying a lot for this city and really focusing on what God wants to do and His heart for this city. It´s great too, because we are working with a really cool church here and they are so willing to walk along side us on this journey. So, if we talk with people and they want to know more about how they can get help or whatever, we can pray for them, but also have these people here helping them...especially because we´re only here for a short time.
I know that God wants to do something sweet in restoring this city and i feel excited that He wants us to be part of it.

I just want to bring peace and joy to these people.

love to each of you!
xoxooo

holy HEAT!!!!

2010-01-13T11:27:00.000-08:00

we are here in Montelibano, in the heat of life!! its crazy to me that people are wearing jeans everyday. the weather is like 90 ish with 90 % humidity!
siiiick!

God is doing so much here though..everywhere we go people stare at us, because not many americans visit this town. we do park evangelism everyday and the responses we get are incredible. Everyone wants to talk with us afterward and with the help of our translaters, we are making this work! God has really blessed this team, because everytime they go with willing hearts, he uses them! my favorite thing is that we are just here to talk wtih people and pray for them...i like the way the Holy Spirit chooses to move, in ways that i wouldn´t have thought of, but it works.

i like colombia, not so much the heat, but i like the country and i like the people a lot.
we´ve gotten pretty close with three of our translaters here, they´re so funny and crazy! two of them are 18 and one of them is 15. it makes me wish my spanish was better...but it isn´t. yet. hopefully sometime in life.
the people here are my favorite thing about outreach. constantly giving, helping, and encouraging.
i guess its a good reminder for me, of how i want to live my life....

love love to everyone!

ciao for now. xoxoo

Colombia!!!!

2009-12-26T08:09:00.000-08:00

hola! i am in south america & loving my life!
its nice & warm today, about 70 i think. kind of humid.
the team woke up at 7:30 and ate breakfast then some people went grocery shopping & got some papel hygenico...because we had none. haha. now we are writing emails & checking our facebooks! i thought i would drop you a line.
everyone in south america is GORGEOUS! the people i sat next to on the second flight from miami to medellin (pronounced med i gene, in case you were wondering. i called in med eh lin in my head for a while) were so nice to me & so cute. so definitely an upgrade from the denver to miami people.
today is a day of gathering what we need for the next few days in food. then exploring the town a bit. we live right off of the street in a nice building with a kitchen, common room, and a few main rooms where we sleep on...beds! what a blessing!

hopefully south america won´t steal my heart, but you never can tell with these things....

i love you guys so much! have a great weekend & be blessed.
xooo

also: a sidenote...
people in colombia love fireworks and light them off...all night...so it was kind of hard falling asleep last night. we asked our new friend Anit about it this morning and she said they do that until the new year.
so that will be interesting! my spanish is not very good anymore, so pray that i catch on soon. love you all!

2009-12-12T22:26:00.000-08:00

lets make noise
lets be the silliest we can
lets write letters and carry postage stamps to send them

lets love like we mean it
lets begin to understand what love truly means

lets be genuine in what we do
in who we are becoming

2009-12-05T01:04:00.001-08:00

fear.

i am afraid of losing
i am afraid of loss.
i am afraid of my unknown future
i am afraid of flashbacks happening
i am afraid of stupid things

anger

i am angry that this fear wants to control
and drive me.
i am angry that i let it sometimes.
i am angry that things fall apart.

thankful

i am thankful that there is clarity
i am thankful that i'm not lost
i am thankful that i'm not abandoned
i am thankful that God is faithful
i am thankful that i'm safe & protected
i am thankful to be living as a child in the light & no longer in darkness
i am thankful that pain doesn't have to be my sweater anymore
i am thankful that i can trust You Jesus.
i am thankful that you have restored relationships within my family
and i am thankful for the time i've had to spend the past few days w/ them.
i am thankful that you give opportunity to us and that you want the highest and best for us.
even if it is something that is tough, even if it is something i don't really understand.
thank you that you don't require that i understand, but that you just want me to take you for your word.

and thank you for the time to write this down
and thank you for the prayers.

finally...thank you that my list of thank you's is much longer than my list of emotions.

i love you.

Sincerely,
Allison Lois

2009-11-03T13:46:00.000-08:00

Praying for my lovely friend Emma this week as she is waiting on her CNA license to come through so that she can work at the hospital this week!!!
I love that He's faithful.....

i will write more once i have some time. I am off to class to see the creative presentations that the students have worked so hard on!!!

2009-10-11T21:00:00.000-07:00

jeez louise.

i want to go on a walk, but it is very cold outside and i know that Lori doesn't want to go with me. because i have already asked her like 5 times, within five minutes...somehow, she still loves me.
I really appreciate her friendship, because we can always be silly together. I love being silly with people. especially because it makes me realize just how weird i really am. I think i am missing my cell phone today, because i sent myself a text message from Lori's phone. the text reads: Hey best friend, i hope you're having the best night of your life, even though i won't go on a walk with you, because i am a pansy. love you! ...I do love it, and i think Lori does too...haha. Seriously, i love her a lot & watch football with her, because i love her.

This past week was super busy and challenging for me. I'm adjusting big time to living up at Eagle Rock *the mountain campus* It's gorgeous and i LOVE the mountain air, but it is 24/7 work. I sat in class a lot this past week, because it was bonding week...and it was so interesting hearing all the students stories. I haven't shared mine yet, but i hope to soon. I can't expect people to do something if i am not doing it as well. *like sharing and what-not*
Vulnerability, at times, can be the hardest thing for me. Its hard to talk about life things, because it can bring all of it back to me. I think it is healthy though & at times beneficial.
Things change so much in life. Its crazy, to think that these past few months have been full of change, just in small ways...God is so good to me, to stay the same and not shift on me. It would hurt so badly if he changed on me, so i'm glad he doesn't. It's comforting and i love that.

Sometimes i like when relationships change...like the broken relationships *or the ones i thought were broken* in reality, they are just in repair. Kind of like stitches, because they come closer and closer to restoration each day...it is just a slow moving process. But i guess it's good to take the time, sometimes. I love that God loves reconciliation, because it is amazing. It makes me be a humbler (i doubt that is a word) person. And i need less of me, because i am selfish and i don't like it. I don't want to be as selfish all the time. Sometimes i feel like i get wrapped up in all the things i want, rather than seeing God and talking and asking what He may want. How he wants relationships to work, how i can love better, etc.

2 in one week?!

2009-09-24T21:55:00.000-07:00

i feel so loved by Jesus. Its like: i know who He is, but its been glimpses. I feel tonight this overwhelming sense of love. I keep crying, i guess it's tears of joy...knowing more of His heart for my life. for our future together...I keep hearing Him say that He is deeply satisfied with me. Its just crazy how loved we really are; each of us loved so much by the Creator. I love that He loves us so much that he wants to speak through us, to bring life to dead places. to bring hope to hopeless. to stomp out injustices and let purity triumph
its insane, really, it is.

My best friend has never screwed me over, never trampled on my heart, never abandoned me in darkest emptiest times of my life. His hands have always been guarding my heart. His whispers were there to guide me with the things that scared me, with the things that still scare me at times. It feels like i'm able to embrace more of Him, trust more of Him, and love more of Him.

Its so good. This life i get to live...
He brings reconciliation to areas of my life and heart i didn't think could be touched. And THAT brings joy into my life. Like a bit more joy and less of the bitterness that used to so easily entangle who I truly am. A joyful girl, a strong woman, a loved daughter...Just so loved.
Someone prayed over me a long time ago that i would see God in each situation of extreme hurt. The indescribable kind. And i did at the time. But now, its like i can sense it all. It is so overwhelming hearing His song in my ears. It is so beautiful. And it probably isn't all of it, but it is so amazing. In my areas of weakness His strength pushes me through and He's shown me how to stand. Its so cool, to be loved unconditionally. I still don't understand...

He's so good. so so good.

responsibility

2009-09-21T21:50:00.000-07:00

...I went to Portland two weeks ago with some friends. It was amazing being back in the city i grew up in. My childhood was spent in a suburb just outside the city.
My dad worked hard in that city. We didn't see him very much, because he was always working, always providing for us. He would come home from work when we were seated ready to eat, as he walked in the door we would run and hug him. He'd ask us about our day and we'd tell him all about it. He loved each of us so much. He really did...a few times we got to go with him to his office, where he'd show us off proudly. Zach & I had extremely important jobs of stuffing envelopes. We would get payed five dollars an hour and even had our own name badges. Once Alexis and I went ice skating with him at the mall. Everytime he would leave for a business trip he'd bring us back something special. The last gift i remember receiving from a business trip was a white bear with a blue ribbon that said chicago...the last birthday i spent with him I was nine years old. He never smiled with his teeth, but he made jokes a lot. He would get us dressed for church on sundays that my Mom sang in the choir...she made us wear the ugliest matching dresses. In our last family photo we wore sunflower dresses, i wore my pooh bear watch and just as the photographer was about to snap the photo i laughed. I hate that picture, because i still feel like i look ridiculous, but he loved it. I miss hearing him saying things to me, i wish i could remember more of the conversations we would have about the trivial things in my life. The trivial things that seemed SO important to him. I wish i could know more of him. My heart hurts in places it never should. It will always hurt because of the loss, the only thing is, is that the pain comes in different places at different times. And each different time, i readjust myself to take it on, to embrace it, to give it up, and to move on...once more. A bit less burdened each time.

whoa whoa whoa

2009-09-04T10:32:00.000-07:00

sometimes it seems like i'm not going to do things right. like sometimes i think that i'm not walking the way i should w/ God. and then on wednesday we were in worship and he was telling me all this stuff and i was crying because it was so incredible. He is incredible. His faithfulness amidst my doubt and insecurities keeps me secure.
i found out that sometimes when children are crying its because they want to be held closer and i guess that's my true heart's desire as well. to be held closer, with each step i take toward His throneroom, i just want more. I want more so that i can go out in boldness and strength. That i can be certain of what i don't see and won't see, but i can be certain of Him who holds me so tightly and lovingly. Such a gentle person, such a heart to love me. a messed up little lady whom he, somehow treasures.
It is incredible, it is amazing, it is and will probably always be a mystery.

thank you for giving me the strength to stand, thank you for carrying me these past few years and for showing me how to stand and how to walk. thank you for being all the things i am not, thank you for showing and extending to me Your grace and goodness. Thankyou that i can trust love. fully and completely. I pray that through this weekend and this next year and everything that Your soul would be permeating my heart so that i can do your work God.
let me be willing. Let me remember the big picture and the little moments and the things you want for me. Thank you for wanting the highest and best for me even though it sucks sometimes because i want everything to happen RIGHT NOW, i know that your timing is good. i know that Your words are true and i love it. i love it i love it so much.
You brighten my day
You give peace to my heart
You let me trust
You trust ME with Your kids and give me
Better plans.
Thank you God. Thanks so much.

2009-08-05T19:31:00.000-07:00

All i can feel
is Your love
all i hear is Your truth in my ear.
all i get is frustrated when i forget to listen

all i Know is Your goodness amidst the storms
all i know is Your grace that surrounds my heart
all i know is i get so lost when i stop listening

all i know is that you will NEVER hurt me even though i hurt.
that you're here to heal and help that you're my rescuer redeemer renewer
that Your one desire is to have me be completely Yours.
so thank you.
for taking the time to HEAR my annoying whining, crying, whatever-ness.
thank you for helping me get through each day and thank you for carrying me, when everything
gets overwhelming.

i do love you.
i do trust you, so i will walk this out.

life is a learning process....

2009-07-16T08:18:00.000-07:00

i like that no matter what i do each day i get to learn something new. Sometimes its super profound and sometimes its simple things i tend to forget easily. The other day i was talking with some friends at work and just appreciating that i get to be a part of this ministry. It's really neat, being able to work in community and know that people genuinely care about your life.

Here's a cool verse that a four year old got for me yesterday during worship. (yes, a four year old hears the voice of God too.) God is good.

We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did. Dear friends, I am not writing you a new command, but an old one, which you have had since the beginning. This old command is the message you have heard. Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and you, because the darkness is passing and true light is already shining.

1 John 2.3-8

The verse my friend got for me specifically was verse 6, but i wasn't quite sure what that meant, so i read the portion above and below and got challenged.
Its simple, but difficult at the same time.
God's been challenging me on what my relationship looks like with Him and how i don't need to be a certain way or do a certain thing, that i simple need to be with him. Talking with him and listening to him and learning from Him.
Sometimes i learn through nature, sometimes through strangers, sometimes through friends, sometimes from the word, and sometimes just from God.

I like that i get to be friends with the creator of the universe, that i get to let him hold my hands and my heart, that i can trust him wholeheartedly, even when things get rough. That i can voice my opinions to Him freely and not have to be afraid of hurting His feelings, because its His desire to hear what's on my mind and heart. (even though He already knows, He likes hearing it straight from my mouth). I'm thankful that He cares for me. I was talking with a friend last night about Jesus and How he cares. He loves me sure, but he likes me too, and he deeply cares about my well being. He cares about me spiritually, mentally, physically in every way. He wants good things for me.
Here's a verse someone gave me in my phase 2 last spring.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8.28

i really hate this verse sometimes, because i don't always believe in God's goodness. But i'm working on it and being challenged everyday by God's truth. That He loves me and has never let me down, in every aspect of my life God has been there. And i KNOW that He is good, but i have to believe it at the same time, my heart has to register that thought too...its getting there though, slowly & surely.

Here are the verses above this, which helps me like the 28th more....

In the same way, the Spririt helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
Romans 8.26 & 27

This helps me because God cares enough to have someone on my side when things go bad. When things get tough, i'm not alone, even if i don't have anyone here with me i'm not alone. And that is comforting.

Anyway. i just thought i'd share some stuff i am thinking about this morning.

Thanks for reading this.
Have a great day!

2009-06-30T12:10:00.000-07:00

last night i had the priviledge of seeing an amazing band called mewithoutYou.
i have liked them for three years & have wanted to go to their shows for a while now (about three years) but everytime i wanted to i was somewhere else. (like Hawaii). So anyway: yesterday was a GREAT day because it was registration for all the new students! This summer quarter is pretty small, but i can already tell its going to be a LOT of fun. So i was helping out in registration all day wanting to get tickets for the concert that night, because i forgot about it till that morning...luckily i called some people and my friend Clay got the tickets.
The day went by pretty fast and i had a nice time just chatting with some of the students and trying to get to know them better. Then it came time to go to the concert! I went with my friend Laurie and then met up with my other friends Clay and John, who i never really hung out w/ before. They're a lot of fun.
The opening band was called Deer Hunter and i really enjoyed them it was just sweet how the all worked together so well & the lead vocalist was pretty amazing. Then mewithoutYou came on and me Laurie & Clay kind of pushed our way more towards the front...the set list (is that what its called?) was so good. they played a lot of songs from their latest album *its all crazy, its all false, its all a dream, its alright* but they also played a few oldies from A->B life and Catch for us the foxes.

Lyrically this band is incredible as well as in every other aspect...
Music is so life giving for me, i've always been pretty passionate about it and have it in pretty much every part of my day, because i love it so much. And it keeps me going.

I tried to look for lyrics online right now, but i'm having a hard time...
They use some stuff from the Bible and when i first heard them in 2006 i didn't even realize, although i think i knew they were believers....
So when i was studying the bible in Hawaii i ran across some verses and realized that i heard them before in some mewithoutYou songs.

I guess the main thing for me last night was just how sweet it was to finally be able to go to that show and just to hang out w/ God in a different way than i normally do...it was a different kind of quiet time, because it wasn't quiet at all, but i heard God speak really clearly to me.
Afterward i had a really good journaling session in my room, because i was still processing all the lyrics and things that God was telling me...
It was so CRAZY! I don't remember everything, but mainly God was talking to me about how much He loves me and i was telling him all about stuff i want to do and ways i want to behave...how i want to show love to my friends and be sensitive to his spirit more often. So that when i'm asked to pray for someone i can actually HEAR from Him before i just go for it. *even though just going for it isn't always bad...i just want something different in my life*
i guess a fear i have is that the concert is sort of like a mountain top experience with the Lord, but i'm really trying my best to make my life with God an everyday step by step hand in hand process.
It is definitely a challenge! Anyone up for praying for my heart during this journey??? : )

Anyway: i just wanted to write this down on the blog. i was going to last night, but decided that sleep was a better idea so that i can do my job to the best of my ability. (with Jesus of course.)

if you're interested in hearing some mewithoutYou go to

purevolume.com/mewithoutyou

hope you enjoy & have an INCREDIBLE week!
Happy tuesday.

love,
Allison

2009-06-24T22:36:00.000-07:00

Tonight i got to go on a walk with my friend Rissa, who i love dearly....we got to walk around the neighborhoods and just chat about life and what's been happening in each others lives. Nothing fancy, but it was so perfect.
i don't love summer, because i don't love the heat, but there is something so refreshing about walking outside at night....
I love that God is our creator, its incredible. He's so creative and so beautiful, if He's anything like Colorado....which i'm sure he's a bit better.
I think my favorite thing is when i get to see Him in the world, like through the earth. Like in Kona with the ocean and here in CO w/ the mountains and everything....and in Oregon with the freshness...everything is just so SWEET.
Sometimes i wish i was more of a contemplative person and i do want to spend more time contemplating who He is in my life and in the world in general because its amazing! But honestly, my head hurts just thinking about it.

why does He love us?
how does He call us valuable?
what does He see when looking at us?

transition, once again

2009-06-04T20:47:00.001-07:00

This week was pretty intense for me, without me even realizing it until today.
I guess when things change, i do not recognize it because i choose not to. which is unhealthy.
Some of my closest friends left on tuesday to go back to Oklahoma, before they leave for Chile
because they'll be doing missions stuff down south.
Its tough for me when people leave, but i know i'll see them again, cause they're like my family & you
can't just not see your family. ya know?
Soo, i learned this week that in our minds change equals loss,
which is probably why i have such a hard time when things change....but working at YWAM i'm really going to have to get more & more used to change....so i pray that God gives me that gifting.

----------

It is two weeks away from the end of the quarter! my first quarter is almost finished & i cannot believe how quickly its gone by!
This is a fun time because Laurie & I are working on the love feast *its an event that happens at the end of each quarter celebrating that everyone has graduated* its super fun. Our job is to pick a theme & plan out the party. So the theme for this quarter is....Pirates! It is going to be so much fun. This week i got to order a root beer keg that we'll use to make root beer floats!!!!! Its going to be so delicious! Anyway: i am trying to find my camera battery charger soon so that i'll be able to post photos....which i'm also pretty terrible at, but i do want to get better at!

i hope this post is a blessing to all of you! You are loved!

--Allison

HOORAY!

2009-04-13T22:40:00.000-07:00

it is week three of the school & i have really enjoyed interacting & getting to know the students!
the spring quarter is pretty small, so i have everyone's name down by now...which is cool.
I got my set schedule for the spring quarter & it is pretty amazing.
I'm not going to be working in the kitchen, but i am working with the housekeeping department!
every monday & wednesday morning i work in it and it's really enjoyable getting to clean and just kind of chill out....like have some down time.
Because i am such a people person, its nice to be by myself working on accomplishing a task and just listening to music. Like for instance today, i did some laundry for the base & cleaned some bathrooms. Today i laughed when i cleaned the bathrooms, because they were so gross and then i thought to myself: oh my goodness, when was the last time i cleaned MY bathroom?! Then again, me & my roommates JUST moved, like a week ago....so it can't be that terrible.
It is nice working in housekeeping though, because i get more motivated to keep the house clean.
The only thing that changed w/ my schedule was the switch from kitchen to housekeeping.
I'm still working with the special events & hospitality departments.
It is a lot of fun!

I'll try & think of good stories to post on here, hoepfully something funny will happen this week or somethin'.

love you all!

oh oh!

something cool i'm learning is that God is my safety and my job is to trust.

here's a cool verse He gave me:

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.
On their hands they will bear you up. Lest you strike your foot against a rock.
Because he holds fast to me in love i will deliver him; i will protect him, because
he knows my name. When he calls to me, i will answer him; i will be with him in
trouble; i will rescue him and honor him.
Psalm 91.11&12, 14&15

Its crazy that God chose me, to be friends with him. Like, he has his pick of the earth
((because he made it.)) and he wants me, to be with him and talk with him.

crazy love.

UPDATE!

2009-03-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

Wow! my first week has gone by so quickly!!!!!
i found out what my jobs will be this quarter on staff!
This quarter i will be working in the kitchen, hospitality, and special events department.
So its pretty exciting to be able to work in three different departments, i have a feeling i'll be enjoying all of the
variety.
This past week i mainly worked in the special events department. It is seriously, so much fun! I'm the assistant to this girl Laurie, who is the department head...so she basically tells me what i need to be doing and gives me direction, which is so helpful, because i've been pretty freaked out about this new life!
The special events department is pretty great because it sets up for the new schools that come in and for the graduates once each school is completed. So its kind of the welcoming committee for all of the students!!
Laurie & I worked on preparing for the schools that start on monday...so we put together the name tags & candy bags. As special events, we're in charge of taking photos of students & staff and we then organize them on a board for display at the base. Its pretty interesting to me, doing these things because i never thought about the people that actually organize and do what is needed to make a school run...i really like being a part of it.
*quick story*
Snow storm mania!!!!
people have always told me that colorado weather is unpredictable, which really is terrible when attempting to pick out an outfit in the morning! This past sunday it was 70's and sunny. I wore a skirt & tee shirt all day. Then on thursday it started snowing, which always makes my heart happy! It was pretty nuts though, to see all that snow on the ground after warmer weather in the past weekend.

Something thats neat is that i can see how i'm helping in the community and i really enjoy being able to see the work i do put into action.

Thanks for reading this post everyone!

HEY!

2009-03-24T22:26:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone!
sorry for changing my blogspot!

i lost the email & password for my old one, so i hope you found this one
easily!

I'm going to be updating this & making it nicer this weekend, because i've been
so busy this week! *and its only day 3!*

love you all!

Allison