Friday, September 9, 2011

the Lord is my God and i serve him whole heartedly

a morning song to my Jesus:

the Lord is my God & i serve him wholeheartedly
i get to love him and be with him.

life on a day to day basis with you means:

waking up early for time alone with you, before the hussle and bussle of people constantly surrounding me, asking me questions, chatting it up with me...all that is good but, you know my heart is to be alone with you.

i woke up this morning and saw the light come through my window. the room was painted with gold and i lay there smiling, thankful for a good night's sleep. thankful that i didn't have to dream at all, no thoughts inside my mind last night i was free to just be, to just rest in your presence. in your arms. that embrace me and strengthen me and make me calm and bring me peace and make me whole again...

the summer seemed never ending with deaths and struggles and anxiety and longings unfulfilled. all the questions that rose up again asking and screaming: why?

WHY this loss of life? why the stopping of breaths. the ending of my precious grampa?
why this anxiety of health and whether or not THIS will be okay? will i be whole in YOU?
where are YOU amidst the craziness the busy-ness, the what feels like lonely-ness?

and then you spoke up, gently, sweetly like honey in my chai....the calm in my heart amidst the storm and you said:

i am beside you, i am standing with you, i am for you and not against you. all these things will happen in life: you will be disappointed, you will have struggles, you will continue to face loss in big and small ways, in ways that feel like you may not be able to make it but my DAUGHTER remember: every single time, in every single storm i AM your safe harbour i AM your light and salvation: WHOM SHALL YOU FEAR? OF WHAT SHOULD YOU BE AFRAID OF? i am WITH YOU FOR YOU ALWAYS standing beside you. ALWAYS embracing YOU. i have gone through hell and back for you, to proclaim victory over your precious beautiful LIFE/
i breathe SALVATION in your bones, i speak healing to the broken pieces of your heart that you say are jumbled and knotted more than a ball of yarn a piece of string.
and i speak to that and i say: I AM THE UNTANGLER OF ALL THINGS TANGLED! I AM THE ONE WHO WILL MAKE SENSE OF THE MESS and when it feels like nothing will make sense again, when you are filled with all the questions and all the weight of your heart, the weight of the world i say COME DRINK FROM THE CUP I HAVE FOR YOU, FOR I AM A FAITHFUL FATHER WHO ALONE BRINGS FRESH WATER. you will not find your refreshment in people, no you cannot. you will not truly find your comfort in others, IT ALONE COMES FROM ME AND THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT. i love you, i have placed people in your life to encourage you, to challenge you and to love you.
because i love you.
i always care
i always provide, i always stand up for you. when you can't stand up for yourself but i speak to you OH DAUGHTER and i tell you and remind you and make you fully believe and receive the strength i have put inside you. when you were born fighting for you life to be here and stay here i have put that strength inside to run and not grow weary.
finding life, refreshment, joy, grace, peace, in ME!

what a joy it is to know you, to be known by you fully and completely loved by you.

thank you Lord.

i receive your peace today, i embrace your joy today and i see your heart today in all i do:
in answering phones, in cleaning a house, in drinking my coffee, in eating lunch with my friends, in talking with people and in exhorting those around you.
thank you for your love Lord, for your life, and for the price you paid on the cross.

i want my life to radiate your beauty all day.

thanks for putting that desire in my heart.


allison lois

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