Colombia!!!!

hola! i am in south america & loving my life!
its nice & warm today, about 70 i think. kind of humid.
the team woke up at 7:30 and ate breakfast then some people went grocery shopping & got some papel hygenico...because we had none. haha. now we are writing emails & checking our facebooks! i thought i would drop you a line.
everyone in south america is GORGEOUS! the people i sat next to on the second flight from miami to medellin (pronounced med i gene, in case you were wondering. i called in med eh lin in my head for a while) were so nice to me & so cute. so definitely an upgrade from the denver to miami people.
today is a day of gathering what we need for the next few days in food. then exploring the town a bit. we live right off of the street in a nice building with a kitchen, common room, and a few main rooms where we sleep on...beds! what a blessing!

hopefully south america won´t steal my heart, but you never can tell with these things....

i love you guys so much! have a great weekend & be blessed.
xooo

also: a sidenote...
people in colombia love fireworks and light them off...all night...so it was kind of hard falling asleep last night. we asked our new friend Anit about it this morning and she said they do that until the new year.
so that will be interesting! my spanish is not very good anymore, so pray that i catch on soon. love you all!

lets make noise
lets be the silliest we can
lets write letters and carry postage stamps to send them

lets love like we mean it
lets begin to understand what love truly means

lets be genuine in what we do
in who we are becoming

fear.

i am afraid of losing
i am afraid of loss.
i am afraid of my unknown future
i am afraid of flashbacks happening
i am afraid of stupid things

anger

i am angry that this fear wants to control
and drive me.
i am angry that i let it sometimes.
i am angry that things fall apart.

thankful

i am thankful that there is clarity
i am thankful that i'm not lost
i am thankful that i'm not abandoned
i am thankful that God is faithful
i am thankful that i'm safe & protected
i am thankful to be living as a child in the light & no longer in darkness
i am thankful that pain doesn't have to be my sweater anymore
i am thankful that i can trust You Jesus.
i am thankful that you have restored relationships within my family
and i am thankful for the time i've had to spend the past few days w/ them.
i am thankful that you give opportunity to us and that you want the highest and best for us.
even if it is something that is tough, even if it is something i don't really understand.
thank you that you don't require that i understand, but that you just want me to take you for your word.

and thank you for the time to write this down
and thank you for the prayers.

finally...thank you that my list of thank you's is much longer than my list of emotions.

i love you.

Sincerely,
Allison Lois

Praying for my lovely friend Emma this week as she is waiting on her CNA license to come through so that she can work at the hospital this week!!!
I love that He's faithful.....

i will write more once i have some time. I am off to class to see the creative presentations that the students have worked so hard on!!!

jeez louise.


i want to go on a walk, but it is very cold outside and i know that Lori doesn't want to go with me. because i have already asked her like 5 times, within five minutes...somehow, she still loves me.
I really appreciate her friendship, because we can always be silly together. I love being silly with people. especially because it makes me realize just how weird i really am. I think i am missing my cell phone today, because i sent myself a text message from Lori's phone. the text reads: Hey best friend, i hope you're having the best night of your life, even though i won't go on a walk with you, because i am a pansy. love you! ...I do love it, and i think Lori does too...haha. Seriously, i love her a lot & watch football with her, because i love her.





This past week was super busy and challenging for me. I'm adjusting big time to living up at Eagle Rock *the mountain campus* It's gorgeous and i LOVE the mountain air, but it is 24/7 work. I sat in class a lot this past week, because it was bonding week...and it was so interesting hearing all the students stories. I haven't shared mine yet, but i hope to soon. I can't expect people to do something if i am not doing it as well. *like sharing and what-not*
Vulnerability, at times, can be the hardest thing for me. Its hard to talk about life things, because it can bring all of it back to me. I think it is healthy though & at times beneficial.
Things change so much in life. Its crazy, to think that these past few months have been full of change, just in small ways...God is so good to me, to stay the same and not shift on me. It would hurt so badly if he changed on me, so i'm glad he doesn't. It's comforting and i love that.

Sometimes i like when relationships change...like the broken relationships *or the ones i thought were broken* in reality, they are just in repair. Kind of like stitches, because they come closer and closer to restoration each day...it is just a slow moving process. But i guess it's good to take the time, sometimes. I love that God loves reconciliation, because it is amazing. It makes me be a humbler (i doubt that is a word) person. And i need less of me, because i am selfish and i don't like it. I don't want to be as selfish all the time. Sometimes i feel like i get wrapped up in all the things i want, rather than seeing God and talking and asking what He may want. How he wants relationships to work, how i can love better, etc.

2 in one week?!

i feel so loved by Jesus. Its like: i know who He is, but its been glimpses. I feel tonight this overwhelming sense of love. I keep crying, i guess it's tears of joy...knowing more of His heart for my life. for our future together...I keep hearing Him say that He is deeply satisfied with me. Its just crazy how loved we really are; each of us loved so much by the Creator. I love that He loves us so much that he wants to speak through us, to bring life to dead places. to bring hope to hopeless. to stomp out injustices and let purity triumph
its insane, really, it is.

My best friend has never screwed me over, never trampled on my heart, never abandoned me in darkest emptiest times of my life. His hands have always been guarding my heart. His whispers were there to guide me with the things that scared me, with the things that still scare me at times. It feels like i'm able to embrace more of Him, trust more of Him, and love more of Him.

Its so good. This life i get to live...
He brings reconciliation to areas of my life and heart i didn't think could be touched. And THAT brings joy into my life. Like a bit more joy and less of the bitterness that used to so easily entangle who I truly am. A joyful girl, a strong woman, a loved daughter...Just so loved.
Someone prayed over me a long time ago that i would see God in each situation of extreme hurt. The indescribable kind. And i did at the time. But now, its like i can sense it all. It is so overwhelming hearing His song in my ears. It is so beautiful. And it probably isn't all of it, but it is so amazing. In my areas of weakness His strength pushes me through and He's shown me how to stand. Its so cool, to be loved unconditionally. I still don't understand...

He's so good. so so good.

responsibility

...I went to Portland two weeks ago with some friends. It was amazing being back in the city i grew up in. My childhood was spent in a suburb just outside the city.
My dad worked hard in that city. We didn't see him very much, because he was always working, always providing for us. He would come home from work when we were seated ready to eat, as he walked in the door we would run and hug him. He'd ask us about our day and we'd tell him all about it. He loved each of us so much. He really did...a few times we got to go with him to his office, where he'd show us off proudly. Zach & I had extremely important jobs of stuffing envelopes. We would get payed five dollars an hour and even had our own name badges. Once Alexis and I went ice skating with him at the mall. Everytime he would leave for a business trip he'd bring us back something special. The last gift i remember receiving from a business trip was a white bear with a blue ribbon that said chicago...the last birthday i spent with him I was nine years old. He never smiled with his teeth, but he made jokes a lot. He would get us dressed for church on sundays that my Mom sang in the choir...she made us wear the ugliest matching dresses. In our last family photo we wore sunflower dresses, i wore my pooh bear watch and just as the photographer was about to snap the photo i laughed. I hate that picture, because i still feel like i look ridiculous, but he loved it. I miss hearing him saying things to me, i wish i could remember more of the conversations we would have about the trivial things in my life. The trivial things that seemed SO important to him. I wish i could know more of him. My heart hurts in places it never should. It will always hurt because of the loss, the only thing is, is that the pain comes in different places at different times. And each different time, i readjust myself to take it on, to embrace it, to give it up, and to move on...once more. A bit less burdened each time.

whoa whoa whoa

sometimes it seems like i'm not going to do things right. like sometimes i think that i'm not walking the way i should w/ God. and then on wednesday we were in worship and he was telling me all this stuff and i was crying because it was so incredible. He is incredible. His faithfulness amidst my doubt and insecurities keeps me secure.
i found out that sometimes when children are crying its because they want to be held closer and i guess that's my true heart's desire as well. to be held closer, with each step i take toward His throneroom, i just want more. I want more so that i can go out in boldness and strength. That i can be certain of what i don't see and won't see, but i can be certain of Him who holds me so tightly and lovingly. Such a gentle person, such a heart to love me. a messed up little lady whom he, somehow treasures.
It is incredible, it is amazing, it is and will probably always be a mystery.

thank you for giving me the strength to stand, thank you for carrying me these past few years and for showing me how to stand and how to walk. thank you for being all the things i am not, thank you for showing and extending to me Your grace and goodness. Thankyou that i can trust love. fully and completely. I pray that through this weekend and this next year and everything that Your soul would be permeating my heart so that i can do your work God.
let me be willing. Let me remember the big picture and the little moments and the things you want for me. Thank you for wanting the highest and best for me even though it sucks sometimes because i want everything to happen RIGHT NOW, i know that your timing is good. i know that Your words are true and i love it. i love it i love it so much.
You brighten my day
You give peace to my heart
You let me trust
You trust ME with Your kids and give me
Better plans.
Thank you God. Thanks so much.

All i can feel
is Your love
all i hear is Your truth in my ear.
all i get is frustrated when i forget to listen

all i Know is Your goodness amidst the storms
all i know is Your grace that surrounds my heart
all i know is i get so lost when i stop listening

all i know is that you will NEVER hurt me even though i hurt.
that you're here to heal and help that you're my rescuer redeemer renewer
that Your one desire is to have me be completely Yours.
so thank you.
for taking the time to HEAR my annoying whining, crying, whatever-ness.
thank you for helping me get through each day and thank you for carrying me, when everything
gets overwhelming.

i do love you.
i do trust you, so i will walk this out.

life is a learning process....

i like that no matter what i do each day i get to learn something new. Sometimes its super profound and sometimes its simple things i tend to forget easily. The other day i was talking with some friends at work and just appreciating that i get to be a part of this ministry. It's really neat, being able to work in community and know that people genuinely care about your life.

Here's a cool verse that a four year old got for me yesterday during worship. (yes, a four year old hears the voice of God too.) God is good.

We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did. Dear friends, I am not writing you a new command, but an old one, which you have had since the beginning. This old command is the message you have heard. Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and you, because the darkness is passing and true light is already shining.

1 John 2.3-8

The verse my friend got for me specifically was verse 6, but i wasn't quite sure what that meant, so i read the portion above and below and got challenged.
Its simple, but difficult at the same time.
God's been challenging me on what my relationship looks like with Him and how i don't need to be a certain way or do a certain thing, that i simple need to be with him. Talking with him and listening to him and learning from Him.
Sometimes i learn through nature, sometimes through strangers, sometimes through friends, sometimes from the word, and sometimes just from God.

I like that i get to be friends with the creator of the universe, that i get to let him hold my hands and my heart, that i can trust him wholeheartedly, even when things get rough. That i can voice my opinions to Him freely and not have to be afraid of hurting His feelings, because its His desire to hear what's on my mind and heart. (even though He already knows, He likes hearing it straight from my mouth). I'm thankful that He cares for me. I was talking with a friend last night about Jesus and How he cares. He loves me sure, but he likes me too, and he deeply cares about my well being. He cares about me spiritually, mentally, physically in every way. He wants good things for me.
Here's a verse someone gave me in my phase 2 last spring.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8.28

i really hate this verse sometimes, because i don't always believe in God's goodness. But i'm working on it and being challenged everyday by God's truth. That He loves me and has never let me down, in every aspect of my life God has been there. And i KNOW that He is good, but i have to believe it at the same time, my heart has to register that thought too...its getting there though, slowly & surely.

Here are the verses above this, which helps me like the 28th more....

In the same way, the Spririt helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
Romans 8.26 & 27


This helps me because God cares enough to have someone on my side when things go bad. When things get tough, i'm not alone, even if i don't have anyone here with me i'm not alone. And that is comforting.


Anyway. i just thought i'd share some stuff i am thinking about this morning.

Thanks for reading this.
Have a great day!

last night i had the priviledge of seeing an amazing band called mewithoutYou.
i have liked them for three years & have wanted to go to their shows for a while now (about three years) but everytime i wanted to i was somewhere else. (like Hawaii). So anyway: yesterday was a GREAT day because it was registration for all the new students! This summer quarter is pretty small, but i can already tell its going to be a LOT of fun. So i was helping out in registration all day wanting to get tickets for the concert that night, because i forgot about it till that morning...luckily i called some people and my friend Clay got the tickets.
The day went by pretty fast and i had a nice time just chatting with some of the students and trying to get to know them better. Then it came time to go to the concert! I went with my friend Laurie and then met up with my other friends Clay and John, who i never really hung out w/ before. They're a lot of fun.
The opening band was called Deer Hunter and i really enjoyed them it was just sweet how the all worked together so well & the lead vocalist was pretty amazing. Then mewithoutYou came on and me Laurie & Clay kind of pushed our way more towards the front...the set list (is that what its called?) was so good. they played a lot of songs from their latest album *its all crazy, its all false, its all a dream, its alright* but they also played a few oldies from A->B life and Catch for us the foxes.

Lyrically this band is incredible as well as in every other aspect...
Music is so life giving for me, i've always been pretty passionate about it and have it in pretty much every part of my day, because i love it so much. And it keeps me going.

I tried to look for lyrics online right now, but i'm having a hard time...
They use some stuff from the Bible and when i first heard them in 2006 i didn't even realize, although i think i knew they were believers....
So when i was studying the bible in Hawaii i ran across some verses and realized that i heard them before in some mewithoutYou songs.

I guess the main thing for me last night was just how sweet it was to finally be able to go to that show and just to hang out w/ God in a different way than i normally do...it was a different kind of quiet time, because it wasn't quiet at all, but i heard God speak really clearly to me.
Afterward i had a really good journaling session in my room, because i was still processing all the lyrics and things that God was telling me...
It was so CRAZY! I don't remember everything, but mainly God was talking to me about how much He loves me and i was telling him all about stuff i want to do and ways i want to behave...how i want to show love to my friends and be sensitive to his spirit more often. So that when i'm asked to pray for someone i can actually HEAR from Him before i just go for it. *even though just going for it isn't always bad...i just want something different in my life*
i guess a fear i have is that the concert is sort of like a mountain top experience with the Lord, but i'm really trying my best to make my life with God an everyday step by step hand in hand process.
It is definitely a challenge! Anyone up for praying for my heart during this journey??? : )

Anyway: i just wanted to write this down on the blog. i was going to last night, but decided that sleep was a better idea so that i can do my job to the best of my ability. (with Jesus of course.)

if you're interested in hearing some mewithoutYou go to

purevolume.com/mewithoutyou

hope you enjoy & have an INCREDIBLE week!
Happy tuesday.

love,
Allison

Tonight i got to go on a walk with my friend Rissa, who i love dearly....we got to walk around the neighborhoods and just chat about life and what's been happening in each others lives. Nothing fancy, but it was so perfect.
i don't love summer, because i don't love the heat, but there is something so refreshing about walking outside at night....
I love that God is our creator, its incredible. He's so creative and so beautiful, if He's anything like Colorado....which i'm sure he's a bit better.
I think my favorite thing is when i get to see Him in the world, like through the earth. Like in Kona with the ocean and here in CO w/ the mountains and everything....and in Oregon with the freshness...everything is just so SWEET.
Sometimes i wish i was more of a contemplative person and i do want to spend more time contemplating who He is in my life and in the world in general because its amazing! But honestly, my head hurts just thinking about it.

why does He love us?
how does He call us valuable?
what does He see when looking at us?

transition, once again

This week was pretty intense for me, without me even realizing it until today.
I guess when things change, i do not recognize it because i choose not to. which is unhealthy.
Some of my closest friends left on tuesday to go back to Oklahoma, before they leave for Chile
because they'll be doing missions stuff down south.
Its tough for me when people leave, but i know i'll see them again, cause they're like my family & you
can't just not see your family. ya know?
Soo, i learned this week that in our minds change equals loss,
which is probably why i have such a hard time when things change....but working at YWAM i'm really going to have to get more & more used to change....so i pray that God gives me that gifting.

----------

It is two weeks away from the end of the quarter! my first quarter is almost finished & i cannot believe how quickly its gone by!
This is a fun time because Laurie & I are working on the love feast *its an event that happens at the end of each quarter celebrating that everyone has graduated* its super fun. Our job is to pick a theme & plan out the party. So the theme for this quarter is....Pirates! It is going to be so much fun. This week i got to order a root beer keg that we'll use to make root beer floats!!!!! Its going to be so delicious! Anyway: i am trying to find my camera battery charger soon so that i'll be able to post photos....which i'm also pretty terrible at, but i do want to get better at!


i hope this post is a blessing to all of you! You are loved!

--Allison

HOORAY!

it is week three of the school & i have really enjoyed interacting & getting to know the students!
the spring quarter is pretty small, so i have everyone's name down by now...which is cool.
I got my set schedule for the spring quarter & it is pretty amazing.
I'm not going to be working in the kitchen, but i am working with the housekeeping department!
every monday & wednesday morning i work in it and it's really enjoyable getting to clean and just kind of chill out....like have some down time.
Because i am such a people person, its nice to be by myself working on accomplishing a task and just listening to music. Like for instance today, i did some laundry for the base & cleaned some bathrooms. Today i laughed when i cleaned the bathrooms, because they were so gross and then i thought to myself: oh my goodness, when was the last time i cleaned MY bathroom?! Then again, me & my roommates JUST moved, like a week ago....so it can't be that terrible.
It is nice working in housekeeping though, because i get more motivated to keep the house clean.
The only thing that changed w/ my schedule was the switch from kitchen to housekeeping.
I'm still working with the special events & hospitality departments.
It is a lot of fun!

I'll try & think of good stories to post on here, hoepfully something funny will happen this week or somethin'.

love you all!


oh oh!

something cool i'm learning is that God is my safety and my job is to trust.

here's a cool verse He gave me:

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.
On their hands they will bear you up. Lest you strike your foot against a rock.
Because he holds fast to me in love i will deliver him; i will protect him, because
he knows my name. When he calls to me, i will answer him; i will be with him in
trouble; i will rescue him and honor him.
Psalm 91.11&12, 14&15

Its crazy that God chose me, to be friends with him. Like, he has his pick of the earth
((because he made it.)) and he wants me, to be with him and talk with him.

crazy love.

UPDATE!

Wow! my first week has gone by so quickly!!!!!
i found out what my jobs will be this quarter on staff!
This quarter i will be working in the kitchen, hospitality, and special events department.
So its pretty exciting to be able to work in three different departments, i have a feeling i'll be enjoying all of the
variety.
This past week i mainly worked in the special events department. It is seriously, so much fun! I'm the assistant to this girl Laurie, who is the department head...so she basically tells me what i need to be doing and gives me direction, which is so helpful, because i've been pretty freaked out about this new life!
The special events department is pretty great because it sets up for the new schools that come in and for the graduates once each school is completed. So its kind of the welcoming committee for all of the students!!
Laurie & I worked on preparing for the schools that start on monday...so we put together the name tags & candy bags. As special events, we're in charge of taking photos of students & staff and we then organize them on a board for display at the base. Its pretty interesting to me, doing these things because i never thought about the people that actually organize and do what is needed to make a school run...i really like being a part of it.
*quick story*
Snow storm mania!!!!
people have always told me that colorado weather is unpredictable, which really is terrible when attempting to pick out an outfit in the morning! This past sunday it was 70's and sunny. I wore a skirt & tee shirt all day. Then on thursday it started snowing, which always makes my heart happy! It was pretty nuts though, to see all that snow on the ground after warmer weather in the past weekend.


Something thats neat is that i can see how i'm helping in the community and i really enjoy being able to see the work i do put into action.


Thanks for reading this post everyone!

HEY!

Hi Everyone!
sorry for changing my blogspot!

i lost the email & password for my old one, so i hope you found this one
easily!


I'm going to be updating this & making it nicer this weekend, because i've been
so busy this week! *and its only day 3!*

love you all!

Allison