Wednesday, December 7, 2011

grace and mercy
you're confronting me daily.

these past few weeks and months have whisked by like tiny gazelles.
it's december already.

four years ago i felt so alone. on an island surrounded by people who did not know me.
or that part of me, my Denver family.
my heart was torn up.

i spent almost an entire year trying to figure out some deep issues with the Lord.
once i thought i figured it out or had some clarity on it all...i received a phone call from one of my best
that two of our friends were shot.
hyperventilating...i started saying: they're gonna be okay (and continued repeating it to myself)...people around me
were praying. i called a ton of people telling them to pray (demanding it).

i do not know how i fell asleep that night.
when i awoke my friend Dave asked me if i was okay and i told him i couldn't talk, i had to call my friend.

so i called my friend Will and he told me she was gone.

and i broke.
i broke in more than just two pieces.
because after what seemed like a lifetime of questions (or at least 11 years)...i thought i had them answered.
i thought they were done for.
but now, i had so many more things to ask God.
i needed some heart surgery. because it was broken.

four years later. living in this city. working where i do.
i just feel blessed.

i miss her and do not understand.
i still have a lot of questions and a lot of desires...but i'm so grateful.
to have known someone so loving.
all the time...and so funny. and beautiful.

like i said four years ago.
she was pure sunshine.
she radiated God's love and it was beautiful.

i'm grateful///

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