Monday, March 19, 2012

today God spoke to me something my heart needed to hear *yet again, it seems*

"you can trust Me."

my heart has not been processing much of anything lately, because i have a tendency to think if i do not think about the things in life, then maybe, they don't exist. Or maybe, they won't come to pass.
These things are lies i tell myself, to bring myself comfort. It's funny because i know the greatest comforter of them all (Jesus) and i choose to ignore the hurt, put on a brave girl face, and walk forward...which is fine, but i have learned throughout life so far that God is about getting to the root of our pains, and working through them to bring good out of our grief.

about a month ago i was staying with our school at the mountain campus because we shared our speaker with the other DTS running up there. i was texting my best friend, keeping her updated on "the hap's" up in the mountains. the 3 of us ended up skyping for a little bit because i had time...and it was good. Dakota and Colleen had gone to barnes and noble and were catching me up on their days...i honestly can't remember what we talked about, we were just trying to plan our next hangout sesh with all 3 of our busy can get tricky.

Anyway, Colleen said she wanted to talk to me, so we planned for lunch on friday of that week, because i would be down the mountain.
I saw Dakota on thursday night, because i needed to grab some things from the house (see: down comforter, i was fahhh---reeezingggg! up in the mountains!) and she seemed kind of down, not like herself...

i thought it was because i was gone and the house just gets lonely when one housemate is missing from the i hugged her twice before i left, told her i loved her, and that i'd be back in one more week (as we had another week up in the mountains).

driving up the mountain, i was contemplating what could be hurting her so much?

I didn't think a lot about it, but just prayed that she could feel God close to her, because He's the best comforter of our souls in every situation.

that night as i was falling asleep, i felt a jolt in my Spirit and thought: Colleen is moving! i began to cry, panic, then fall back asleep, but not before texting Dakota asking if it was true.

she never texted back, i was stressed as we drove back down the mountain, thinking about whether or not one of my best friend's might be moving.
we had lunch at our house, as i walked in they both looked somber so i just asked what was happening?
she filled me in:
Her husband got his dream job! and had an interview out in California.

we sat at the table and cried, because it's so bittersweet seeing people move forward....into new adventure and direction.

This friday the three of us will be road tripping out to move our best friend into her new city.
We will explore, we will breathe ocean air of San Francisco (beautiful place, with beautiful people) and we will celebrate.

Life is beautiful, no matter what. i really do think it. and i realize it is a bold statement, but i think if we continue to look, we can find the beauty in life.

I'm so excited, that one of my best friends is married, and going on this adventure with her man. They are embracing a completely new place, together, and just being married. It's pretty sweet.

And on the upside, now this gives me and Dakota more reason's to visit California!

God is so gracious, to tell me, before she told me. That she was moving.
I needed it, i needed the forewarning.

Anyway, I think mainly i wanted to write this post because i just love God.
I love that He's consistent and constant, He cares and He's so personal.
He is so infinite, but he wants relationship with us, He wants to protect us from things and He
wants us to grow. He wants us to be closer and He still gives us our space.
He is my protector He is my refuge, He is my strength. i couldn't do anything without him, because
i'm born needing Him. i'm born needing to live life for Him and i want to do that.

i think right now i'm just trying to not live my life based on my emotions, but to recognize that it's healthy
to have emotions, but to continue to ask God for His perspective on life, cause i need to know what He's thinking

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